“The Moment A Child Is Born, The Mother Is Born Also.
The Woman Existed, But The Mother Never” – Rajneesh
This past weekend I was reflecting on how I got to this point of ‘life as I know it’.
Being a wife, being a stay at home mama, a blogger, the master chef of the family, where coffee is my best friend and when the need to relax became desperate instead of a hobby.
There are always the moments when I feel nostalgic of my ‘previous life’:
Nights out and not feeling like death in the morning.
Being able to call a friend and spontaneously go spend the entire day grabbing coffee or lunch and shopping.
Being able to spend all of my money on myself. If I wanted to spend $30 for one eye shadow color, I could, without thinking twice.
Staying Up Late meant past 1 AM.
Sleeping In meant past 10 AM.
Then I remember nothing can compare to the life I have now. As crazy, exhausting, and rotten it can be..I wouldn’t trade this crazy beautiful life for anything in the world. Nothing. Although I’ve learned a lot through my life, a lot of tough lessons, exciting lessons, etc. and I continue to grow and learn every day, it all stems from the things that I learned in the first year of being a mama.
- I have accepted that my ‘normal’ from before is now a luxury.
– Hot, long showers.
– Getting ready to go out by putting on full make up and doing my hair til every fly away is in it’s place.
– Cooking a meal and eating it while it is still fresh & warm.
– Cleaning the house and having it stay clean for more than 24 hours.
– Enjoying a hot cup of coffee in the middle of the day.
– Being able to watch a movie at the end of the day with my husband, interruption free. Or be able to watch this movie from beginning to end without falling asleep.
- Get in on that ugly cry face and let the tears fall!
There are multiple types of tears: happy tears, sad tears, helpless tears, tears of exhaustion, my husband just changed a poopy diaper and did the dishes without being asked tears.
Let them fall!
Sometimes a good cry can make you feel like you could solve all of the world’s problems.
- I can feel like wonder woman.
Usually this happens for something like the first grocery store trip with the baby in tow, soon after she was born. Or handling a baby meltdown, while cooking a fantastic dinner, and not loosing it or burning the food. This feeling may be few and far between, but it is possible and I try to hold onto it as long as I can.
- You don’t have to stress over every piece of advice.
I realized when I was pregnant that EVERYONE has an undying need to give advice, even, and especially, unsolicited. At first it would drive me crazy, but then I learned to just let it go. This Elsa style ‘let it go’ did not stop after my baby was born because the unsolicited advice didn’t stop. If anything it get’s worse. I’m not rude about it, but if it’s not something I am interested in, I don’t even store it in my memory. Just let it go.
- No one knows my baby better than me.
This goes along with #4, but a little different. No one knows what is best for my baby except me and my husband. My parents, my in laws, my best friend with 4 kids, the pediatrician, Google, or that know it all parent in the mommy and me class are all included. No one knows my baby better than me. I love them all and are the ones that I go to for advice. But if my gut says NO, while everyone else says YES, I will go with my gut! Follow your gut.
- Nap Times Are Perfect For Getting Stuff Done.
People told me all the time ‘sleep when the baby sleeps’. It’s not bad advice. If you need a nap this is probably the only time you will get one. Take that nap. BUT I tried not to make a habit of this. If found that nap time, even if only an hour, would be the most productive time of my day.
One hour distraction free is gold!
This is also the time I use to take care of myself. I can’t take care of my family, if I don’t take care of myself. Get in a quick workout, take a shower, do something for me. Whatever it may be, do what you need to do, for YOU, when the baby is sleeping.
- Don’t Wake A Sleeping Baby
This is controversial and I’m not giving anyone advice. I know there are the various ways to sleep train a baby or not sleep train, but I found that life was a lot smoother if I just let my daughter sleep when she needed sleep. Luckily she was overall a good sleeper and schedules were never hard for us. The next child might be different, but I still don’t think I will ever wake a sleeping baby.
A baby’s life (and all through childhood) is full of phases. Sleep good, then don’t. Take 2-3 naps a day, then only one. Like the cuddly teddy bear, then don’t. The dangling keys are a guaranteed cry stopper, then they aren’t. Everything, both good and bad, are just phases. Ride it out and wait for the next. It’s all part of the journey.
- Stop Comparing.
How fast you loose your baby weight.
How much milk you produce.
When you’re baby lifts her head, rolls over, crawls, eats solid food.
STOP COMPARING! It is obviously important to make sure you understand the milestones that should be happening, but it is also a general timeline. Just because your BFF’s baby rolled over a couple weeks ago and yours hasn’t, doesn’t mean there is something wrong. If you have a gut feeling that something is wrong, then go with that. But sometimes your baby will do things first, while other babies will do something else first. It’s not a race, it’s not who can do it fastest. It’s health and happiness and not forcing your baby to grow up faster than she is ready to.
And as far as your baby weight, don’t stress over it too much. Do what you can with the time you have to be healthy and happy. Your baby doesn’t care about stretch marks and a few extra pounds!
- Cuddle. Everything Else Can Wait
I like to have a tidy house. Dishes done, vacuumed floors, and all our papers organized and put a way. Everything in it’s place. But you know what I like more? I liked having cuddles with my baby, laying on the floor and doing tummy time with her, taking walks outside so she can see things she’d never seen before. This is true for today too and my baby is 4. Chores can wait. Dishes will still be there later. The time that you don’t spend with your child, you can never get back!
Being a mom is the hardest, most stressful, and most emotional thing I have ever done. But with hard work comes high reward, right? Being a mom is hands down the greatest thing I have ever done. I have changed so much as a person, something that I didn’t know was possible. I would not trade all of the sacrifices, the changes, the tears for anything in the world, for no amount of money. Nothing.
“I didn’t lose myself when I became a mother, I found myself” – Unknown
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